On words, conjunctures, and quantum mechanics
And using books to make sense of pivotal times
I recently took a liking to studying words and their meanings. No surprise here. I’ve always liked words. Especially when written.
Books.
Articles.
Novels.
Poetry. (I’m including Taylor Swift lyrics here).
Essays. (I particularly like writing these).
Just to be clear: I did not wake up one day with an avid desire to study words. I started studying words because I made the decision to move forward with some milestones I had “defined” for my life (cof. cof. Yes, I am talking about you GRE), and setting myself up for success included expanding my vocabulary; which basically meant learning new words, their meaning, and their use within context.
And I loved it. I created over 500 study cards. Ran while listening to word podcasts. Read the New York Times and paused to look up every word I did not know. Created ridiculous mnemonics. For weeks. Or months (or was it years? I can’t even remember. Let’s keep it at a very loooooong time).
These days, I’ve been thinking about one particular word: conjunctural.
This word, apparently, describes something as being related to or caused by a "conjuncture," which is a combination of events or circumstances, often a critical or decisive one.
In life, such events and circumstances often happen in what we call accidents: Had I not left late for work, I would not have crashed. Had I not drank too much, I would not have made that terrible decision. Had we not taken that tour, we might not have fallen off the cliff. You get it.
We can often go back to that precise moment where things went awry. That exact decision that marks a before and an after. The decisive moment that changes everything for you. The conjuncture.
With accidents, however, you are not aware those decisions will become pivotal in your life. Which is why we can only choose to accept them and learn from them. (And rely on the good ol’ “Things happen for a reason” to attribute some responsibility to forces other than ourselves).
Yet, there are times in life where those decisive choices are ours to make. When you are tasked with opting between going one path or the other, knowing that either option will change everything about life as you know it can feel….taxing. Especially when both options seem GREAT options.
I am aware that I am always one decision away from a totally different life, but KNOWING IT, gives it a completely different color.
I’ve read books that have helped me through these conjunctural times in my life.
(What’s the conjunction, you might ask? More on that in later essays.)
And, at the risk of sounding witchy, but fully leaning into my pantheism, I truly believe some books land in our hands for a reason. They’re trying to tell us something.
(Readers out there, you know what I mean, right?)
Here’s what I think these books came to tell me (no spoilers, I think):
The Midnight Library - Matt Haig
The Midnight Library has really provided an accurate analogy to what I wish I could live at this moment: understand the different paths and read through the outcomes. In the book, the main character Nora, finds herself in a library that exists between life and death. This library, overseen by her childhood librarian Mrs. Elm (in my life this would be Miss Patsy, my childhood librarian at JFK), contains an infinite number of books, each representing a different path her life could have taken based on choices she might have made. The thousands of different stories that would lead her to live different lives had she made different decisions.
Through reading these different volumes of her life, she gains insights into the impact of her choices and the interconnectedness of her actions and relationships. Nora comes to understand that no life is perfect and that embracing her current existence, with all its imperfections, holds its own value and potential for fulfillment.
I really longed for my Midnight Library, to be able to read the different stories I would live if I were to choose option A or option B, and based on those outcomes. Make a decision aligned to what I want. Now, here’s the trick. Our consciousness usually thinks it wants something, but actually needs something else. Reading those books could maybe shed some light on what I hope to live today, but not necessarily consider what I need to live to actually become my highest self.
Message: Whatever I choose will be the right choice. Always.
Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe - Laura Lynne Jackson
This one is a spiritual book that explores how the universe and our loved ones who have passed, communicate with us through everyday signs. The author is a psychic medium, and shares personal stories and client experiences that suggest we are constantly surrounded by messages meant to guide and reassure us of the correct path we must choose in order to live our highest version in our lives.
Message: The risk sounding ridiculous and witchy is outweighed by the feeling of having a communication channel with the Universe. I asked for my signals and I got them. I now trust there’s a team out there looking out for my cute and sorry ass. I believe they will show me how to live my highest path.
Maybe in another life - Taylor Jenkins Reid
The story follows a young woman named Hannah, who returns to her hometown and faces a pivotal choice: leave a party with her best friend Gabby or stay with her high school sweetheart, Ethan. The narrative splits into two parallel stories, each explaining the consequences of each choice, examining themes of fate, love, and the idea that multiple versions of ourselves can exist in parallel.
The theme that sparked the most reflection from this book definitely has to do with Quantum mechanics and the Many Worlds Interpretation (which I understand vaguely and superficially). Basically, what I understand of this theory is that just like particles can exist in multiple states at multiple times at once, every time a decision is made or an outcome occurs, the universe splits, creating alternate realities where each possibility plays out. This means that multiple versions of "you" could be living out different choices in parallel universes. It’s a mind-boggling but fascinating idea that challenges our understanding of reality. Free will even, because everything that could, is?
I highlighted the part of the book where a character explains this complex idea:
“I was really taken with this one theory that states that everything that is possible happens. That means that when you flip a quarter, it doesn’t come down heads or tails. It comes up heads and tails. Every time you flip a coin and it comes up heads, you are merely in the universe where the coin came up heads. There is another version of you out there, created the second the quarter flipped, who saw it come up tails. This is happening every second of every day. The world is splitting further and further into an infinite number of parallel universes where everything that could happen is happening. This is completely plausible, by the way. It’s a legitimate interpretation of quantum mechanics. It’s entirely possible that every time we make a decision, there is a version of us out there somewhere who made a different choice. An infinite number of versions of ourselves are living out the consequences of every single possibility in our lives.”
“What I’m getting at here is that I know there may be universes out there where I made different choices that led me somewhere else, led me to someone else……And my heart breaks for every single version of me that didn't end up with you”.
Message: Whatever I choose will be the right choice. Because in both versions of the future, one thing remains constant: my team [my husband Ruy…and Porfirio) of course] is by my side.